She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
