is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
