He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize