I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
