Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
