I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
