I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
