If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
sex in a hospital.. check
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
