Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
