I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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