I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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