And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
