i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
