also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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