Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
