btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
