we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
