You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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