Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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