Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
