Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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