Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
