ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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