somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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