How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
