Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
