I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead