i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
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I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.