My room smells like vodka and shame
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
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I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations