I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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