rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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