oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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