it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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