Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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