i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
