Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
