Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
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Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize