R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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