If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
