I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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