I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
