I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
