yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if only i could text you this smell
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
