therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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