I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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