When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
