Ketchup is God's man juice
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How naked do you want me to be?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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