I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
