Do you still have your period?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
