Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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