I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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