Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
