Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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