No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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