it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
