She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
