Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
