i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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