dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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