I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
