Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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