fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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