I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
