Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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