well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
