I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
