I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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