I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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