Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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