and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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