I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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