we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
