Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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