Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
