I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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